Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
As my mom caught me up on some snippets of a conversation that she’d had that morning with a friend, she mentioned that the friend asked how my dating was going. My immediate response was “did she ask how building my business or building my house was going?”.
So often in life, we get caught up in focusing on areas of our life where we think there is a deficiency and only seeing what we don’t have rather than what we do have. This is a killer of joy. I’ve seen it not just in myself but anecdotally in friends and acquaintances as well. I’m fortunate enough to have been able to have this awareness and work on reframing my mindset from working with my own coach. Here’s my 6 ways to remedy this situation and unlock the full potential of joy in your life.
1. Identify key focus areas in your life
Most of us would say that our life exists within a few key spheres that we focus on, and these can change over time. For me, my spheres are currently my day job, the business I’m building, finding a husband to journey through life with, building my house, and my family and friends. For everyone, these spheres will look different and may include things like children, hobbies, or fitness journeys. The possibilities are really endless.
Making this list will also help you to be more aware of and more intentional about what you’re placing your focus on. It’s easy these days to somewhat passively participate in your day, partaking in your usual routine, getting bombarded by messages from social media and the news, and getting distracted by a world of information at your fingertips. Being aware and intentional is an important step in helping to shift your mindset.
2. Celebrate your accomplishments in each area
Once you’ve consciously recognized the key areas of your life that you prioritize and focus on, you get to start celebrating! Many times, we spend so much time focusing on the areas that we believe are deficiencies in our life that we forget to celebrate how far we’ve come.
For example, you may be dialed in on the fact that you haven’t received a promotion at work but feel you’ve been performing in a way to meet the expectations of a promotion. However, by focusing on that, you may be missing out on celebrating the new personal best that you set at the gym.
Matters are made worse by the fact that oftentimes friends and acquaintances will ask about the areas in your life where you believe you have a deficiency to see how progress is going because you may talk about this area of your life a lot, they may not be aware of more subtle victories you have in the more established areas of your life, or they may not be able to fully relate to some of the bigger victories you are having.
In my case, focus is often placed on my dating life. However, outside of that sphere of my life, I’m celebrating the fact that I’m building a house and building a business. Although my business is at infancy stages, I celebrate the victories I get and know that I’m building rather than focusing on what hasn’t happened yet.
So take the time to identify and celebrate the victories that you’ve had in all areas of your life. Created a new habit you’ve been working on? Celebrate it! Remodeled that kitchen? Heck yes! Prioritized the happy hour catch up with old friends rather than staying late at work? Woo hoo!
3. Recognize how far you’ve come in the area(s) you’re looking to improve
As you go through this exercise, you may realize that it’s easier to celebrate progress in the areas of your life that you feel stable and generally fulfilled. Although you may not have been actively recognizing your wins, you hadn’t been focusing on lack in those areas either.
However, when there’s an area of your life that you focus on what you lack or haven’t achieved yet, this exercise may be more difficult. The key is to focus on progress, not achievement. I’ll use myself and the dating area of my life as an example.
In my mid-20s, I didn’t prioritize dating. I wanted to date and have relationships, but I didn’t put a lot of effort into going out and finding it since I was so career focused. In the last year or two, I’ve been more intentional about putting myself out there to find dates. That’s a win and progress…something to celebrate! Even though I was very uncomfortable, I tried a dating app for a couple months. Did I love it? No. But I got out of my comfort zone, tried it, and learned from it.
From this lens, you shift your focus to the journey and not the outcome as well as shifting your focus to actions that you can control.
Focusing on the journey helps you to stay present in the moment; you don’t obsess about something you could’ve said or done better in the past and you don’t worry about if the outcome will happen and what that will look like in the future.
Shifting the focus to actions you can control empowers you to own the progress that you’re making. This area of your life no longer becomes tied to outside circumstances but rather is tied to actions you’ve taken in which you recognize are progress based on your standards until you obtain the outcome you’ve set out for.
4. Harness the power of “yet”
“Yet” is one of those small but very mighty words. My friend Andrea Sealey, a strengths-based leadership consultant, recently posted about the power of this word, and I couldn’t agree with her more. Putting the word “yet” at the end of a goal or belief can completely change your outlook on the situation.
Instead of saying, “I don’t know how to do that,” the thought turns into, “I don’t know how to do that yet.” See how different that feels? Adding the word “yet” adds a presence of knowing. This thing or ability doesn’t exist yet but you know that it is coming.
Try adding the word “yet” to the areas of your life that you’re looking to grow into and see how your perspective and outlook changes!
5. Power of a gratitude/growth journal
One powerful tool to keep the momentum of celebrating each area of your life and continuing positive growth is journaling. Journaling on a regular basis with a focus on what you’re thankful for, what victories you’ve had, and what you’re growing towards will help wire your brain to focus on those positive aspects of your life rather than focusing on lack.
Furthermore, this will help focus the Reticular Activating System (RAS) of your brain on the more positive aspects of your life and direct your attention to the tools and resources that you need to keep growing in the areas of your life that you’re looking to grow. If you’re interested in learning about the role of the RAS, I recommend The Power of One More by Ed Mylett (links to Hardcover and Kindle).
6. Tune into the bite-sized actions your body and mind lead you to
The aforementioned book also helps you to focus on the power of one more attempt, one more phone call, etc. This leads right into my next recommendation which is to tune into bite-sized actions that align with your body and mind.
Sometimes you will get the urge to do something, and it just feels right; both your body and mind feel at ease. This is called an inspired action. But you have to actually take action on this urge rather than just think about it; if we just think about it, many times our mind will get in the way and justify away why we shouldn’t do it.
By following the direction of inspired action and taking small, actionable steps in the direction of your vision, you will start to create the progress that we’ve been practicing celebrating. As you may notice, this turns into a super fun cycle that feeds you with positivity and energy to keep reaching for your dreams and vision. All of a sudden you are being showered with joy and strength!
If you’re interested learning how to better channel this joy, strength, and freedom in your life, contact me through my website jamiedykstra.com/ using the button below or message me on LinkedIn or Instagram @jamiedykstracreates to learn more about my transformational coaching. I also invite you to subscribe to my email communications for additional content using the button below.
Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Disclaimer: This blog should not be construed as providing, or intending to provide, professional financial, legal, psychological, or other professional advice. It is simply meant to share my experiences for those that may find them relatable and helpful.