Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Proudly determining which subway tiles I’d like for my kitchen backsplash, I assume that I’ve achieved victory in all the details of the kitchen… until I get asked what color grout I want. What color grout? I thought that came with the tiles?
How opinions taught me building a house is similar to a career journey
At the time of this writing, I am in the process of building a house from scratch. Everything from the floor plan to the grout. And what I’ve learned during that process is that most times someone finds out that I’m building a house, they have some opinion or insight to offer up.
While this is generally well-intentioned and people want to share what they’ve learned from their experiences, building a house is already overwhelming with your own opinions. Furthermore, everyone has their own preferences (and budgets) and what suits someone else, may not suit me. Which got me thinking…
This feels like a metaphor for the vocational and career journey. Traveling down the path of trying to figure out what lights up your life is huge! It’s monumental, potentially even more than building a house. And just as there are many opinions that are given to you when you build a house, there are many opinions that people will hold as you venture down your career journey and reflection. But that’s fantastic because if so many people are offering up opinions about whatever situation you find yourself, it means that you’re doing or going through something really brave.
But do those opinions actually exist?
One of the main things I’ve learned about these opinions as I’ve journeyed down my own self-reflection and search for my vocation is that some of the opinions do exist in reality. These may be offered up by others whether you solicit them or not. However, one of the more powerful concepts I’ve come to learn recently through my Mastermind is that I often make up opinions in my head. As I’m currently traveling down this path to pursue a creative business, I find myself assuming what others will think.
I assume that people will think less of me because I’m not explicitly using my degrees in accounting and finance from Notre Dame. I assume that people will think I’m irresponsible for not pursuing the corporate path at this time after the ladder rungs I had already worked so hard to climb and the security that exists there. I assume that people will not take my pursuit of my creative career as seriously as more technical jobs I could have.
And it’s hit me recently that most of that is in my own head. The vast majority of people that I’ve talked to think that it’s cool or courageous to venture onto the path less traveled. I’ve received positive evidence that people enjoy my output. Other people with less traditional paths have been more apt to share their stories with me as well.
And are those opinions facts?
As such, I’ve learned that if I’m thinking an opinion exists about my path, I first need to verify whether that opinion actually exists or if I’ve made it up because of my societal expectations. I’ve also learned throughout the Mastermind that I’m partaking in that we should always ask if this thought we had is a fact or an opinion. Even if the opinion exists, it doesn’t mean it’s a fact and that it’s true.
While I’ve generally received positive feedback from those around me about the path I’m pursuing, I have had some negative feedback as well, which is difficult to swallow but is just part of life. When those circumstances exist, I have to remind myself that the feedback is someone’s opinion and not a fact of how my career will play out.
To that point, you need to decide whose feedback and insight you’re really going to take to heart and whose you’re just going to let go. I learned several years ago about forming your own personal “board of directors” to help guide you, to bounce ideas off of, and to give you the feedback that you need to hear. These are people that you trust and whose opinions you value. These are the people whose opinions, feedback, and insights you should be putting the most thought into.
Despite the noise, opinions can still be beneficial
Opinions are everywhere and everyone has one, and that’s generally a good thing! You can’t just live in a box your whole life. Other people’s opinions open your mind to perspectives you may not have considered, their insight may give you some idea you would’ve never thought of before, and their feedback may provide a different viewpoint you haven’t been aware of.
However, you have to be careful about the curation of these opinions. I’ve learned to take these opinions and bring them back to my personal board of directors to bounce the thought off of them to help give me a gauge of how I’d like to treat that piece of insight, feedback, or opinion. This helps me to think through ideas that I’m on the fence about, to not feel so overwhelmed, and to receive feedback that is actually indicative of the situation.
Opinions mean you are doing something brave. If you’re living in the status quo, there’s really no opinions to offer. So with that, I’ll share the lessons that I’ve learned about opinions throughout my career search, house building, and even dating life:
1. Not all opinions actually exist.
Sometimes you make up opinions that you think people hold or will hold about your situation because of societal norms that we’ve been conditioned to. In actuality, many times those opinions won’t exist from the people close to you that care about you. And they may not even exist from others that aren’t close to you. So remember to continually check yourself on if this opinion that you think exists really does.
2. Ask yourself if it is fact or opinion.
Is this thought that someone shared with you or that you made up in your head a fact or an opinion? If it’s a fact, you’ll need to take it more seriously, but if it’s an opinion, you can most times write it off as such and move on.
3. Flip negative thoughts on their head.
During our Mastermind course, when we hold negative opinions about ourselves, our career paths, relationships, or whatever is floating around in our heads, our coach Rasa DiSalvo will often ask us first if it is a fact or an opinion. The answer is usually that it’s an opinion. She’ll then ask us what a higher energy (essentially more positive) thought is. If you can form this negative opinion, why can’t you just form a more positive constructive one?
4. Select your personal board of directors:
Having your own personal board of directors makes navigating any change, uncertainty, or dilemma so much easier. This gives you a trusted circle to both bounce ideas off of and receive ideas from. It also helps you to sort through all the noise that you are hearing from those outside of your circle.
As a result of these experiences, I’m trying, and encouraging others, to become more mindful of the thoughts and viewpoints surrounding a given circumstance. Are they assumptions you’ve made or stated opinions? More than that, are they facts or just opinions? Can you re-frame these thoughts to become a more positive opinion of yourself or your circumstance? Have you developed your own personal board of directors to help you through this?
If you feel like this journey of navigating the noise around you to stay true to your authentic self and path resonates with you, I invite you to subscribe to my mailing list so that you never miss any valuable content or inspiration. I also recommend Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live for more inspiration about your essential self.
Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Disclaimer: This blog should not be construed as providing, or intending to provide, professional financial, legal, psychological, or other professional advice. It is simply meant to share my experiences for those that may find them relatable and helpful.