Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
As my dad and I sat trying to solve a new puzzle, I became agitated as he began to put the pieces together from the inside out rather than from the borders in. In the winter, we complete jigsaw puzzles together on a regular basis and have a system in place: We start at the outside and work our way in; I start at the top and he starts at the bottom. It’s served us well all the way up to 1,500-piece puzzles. So my annoyance increased as he totally and completely ignored the system (which is telling of some of my saboteurs but we’ll get into that in a different blog).
I continued trying to put the top inside pieces of the puzzle together while he worked on the middle. This system was not working. I continued to struggle with my row as he made progress in the middle. I became distracted by what he was doing in the middle of the puzzle and was frustrated that I wasn’t making as much progress as him.
Anxiety in life can be caused by a similar phenomenon: Trying to solve too many different pieces of the puzzle at once.
Life’s major moments
Many of life’s major moments can be a breeding ground for anxiety. While it is important to plan, there is a fine line between planning and moving into anxiety. More than that, sometimes you end up putting the cart before the horse in thinking about the future before you even make it to the true planning stage. While there are many reasons for life’s major moments to be filled with anxiety, I have a theory as to one of the major potential drivers: trying to solve too many puzzle pieces at once.
Picture this: You’re single but daydreaming about your future husband or wife. The daydream starts out whimsical, but you start to get that pit in your stomach. You wonder why. Then the questions start to flood in: Where will we live? Will we have to move away from here? Would that move impact my career? I really don’t want to move.
Whoa… pump the brakes. You’re not even close to the point of a proposal so all of these questions are a moot point. Instead of just thinking about the significant other of your dreams, you just started to try to solve for your living status and career status while you were mainly focused originally on your relationship status.
You’re happily married and can’t relate? Let’s try another one.
You’re currently living in a house that you know isn’t your forever home, but you’re not planning on moving in the next few months either. Life is generally good but as you think of improvements for your current home, you start to get that sinking feeling in your stomach again: I wonder what our timeframe should be to find our forever home and move. Where should we move to? What will our career statuses be at the time? What will our family situation be at the time and how would a move impact the kids? Maybe this is our forever home? What about my friends?
You can see the quick spiral that once again happened. Instead of solving just for a move that is likely to occur in the future, you began to solve for your job, family status, and social life all at the same time. It’s understandable why all that anxiety crept in!
The reality is, if you decided to move today, it would actually be much easier. You would know exactly what to do. You’d hop on the real estate platform of your choice, maybe find an agent, start touring in areas that align with your current life goals and situation, and eventually hand over that down payment for your dream home.
Okay, well how often do major life moments come up and shouldn’t there be some expectation of anxiety you may say? Wait… there’s more.
Life’s unexpected moments
Aside from life’s major events that naturally involve some planning, life’s unexpected events can cause the same spiral of trying to solve too many puzzle pieces at once. For me, this manifests as the “what if” game.
Let’s say you have a trip to see some friends coming up at the end of the week and you feel like you’re starting to come down with a cold. The rush of questions comes to the front of your brain: What if I’m not better by the time I have to leave for my trip? How should I approach this topic with my friends? Maybe I can modify this trip? Or maybe I don’t need to? Is there a good time to re-schedule to?
Stop.
So far you’re not even certain if you have a cold yet. There’s still several days to see if it resolves. There’s other people involved that can help you solve the puzzle when you get to that point.
With our constantly busy, on-the-go schedules these days, inconveniences and new opportunities come up all the time that cause us to rethink our schedule and priorities and can send us into this spiral; the spiral only starts to happen if you try to start to get too far into the future and solve too many puzzle pieces at once.
There’s that word “presence” again
While I know that only solving one piece of the puzzle at a time is much easier said than done, it’s a worthy perspective to keep in mind and practice because it can pay big dividends for your mental health. This sentiment may sound like a familiar theme: Presence.
Presence is a theme that comes up over and over again. By being present in the moment, we can alleviate much of the stress that comes along with trying to solve multiple of life’s future puzzle pieces at once. When you are present in the moment, you are only focused on the puzzle piece in front of you or maybe you’ve even stopped to admire your work.
As I mentioned earlier, if you had to take action today on making that move or rearranging your calendar, you could likely do it with far more ease than worrying about doing it in the future and putting a bunch of hypothetical scenarios into play.
Presence keeps coming up again and again because it is so important and will help alleviate many of the mental challenges and blockages that you may feel are afflicting you. In Jon Gordon’s new book The One Truth (links to hardcover and Kindle), he goes in depth on discussing the necessity of and power of mindfulness to maintain a high state of mind. Not only stressing the importance of mindfulness practices, he also advises on a variety of practices that are likely to amplify your mindset, no matter what your daily routine is.
Some powerful examples he provides are gratitude or prayer walks, meditation, and journaling. While you may feel that you don’t have time for this, he also provides examples for when you are short on time such as gratitude car rides.
There’s a saying (from an unknown source) that goes, “If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.” While this is true for physical health, this is also true for mental health.
So next time you feel yourself spiraling into trying to solve the inside and the outside of the puzzle all at once, keep this analogy in mind and focus on the puzzle piece at hand. Next, decide on starting with one new mindfulness technique that you can work into your daily routine, big or small.
If you’re interested in your own transformational journey, reach out to me using the button below to book your free discovery session to see if I can support you along your journey to unlock the full potential of joy, freedom, and strength within your life.
Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Disclaimer: This blog should not be construed as providing, or intending to provide, professional financial, legal, psychological, or other professional advice. It is simply meant to share my experiences for those that may find them relatable and helpful.