Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
“Are you married?”… A question I have heard over and over again through my house building process, and I’m only at the foundation stage. When I started my house building journey, I knew that building a house as a single woman wasn’t super common, but I also didn’t think that it was that big of a deal or out of the ordinary. I’ve learned otherwise throughout my home building process and have also learned how to apply those lessons to other aspects of my life.
I started by doing what made me happy
When I made the decision that I wanted to build my house, I was making the decision largely based upon what would make me happy. I really wanted to move into a single-family home, I had certain specifications and standards that would make new construction the more appropriate choice, and I had a budget to work within.
When I was younger, I had planned on moving into my first single-family home with my husband and living happily ever after from there. But I got tired of waiting for my Prince Charming to come along, and I didn’t need a Prince Charming to embark on this endeavor. Would I love to find my Mr. Right? Definitely. But until then, I’m not going to put goals and plans of mine on hold.
So I started down the path of building my house. I really didn’t think much of it, and to me, it felt like a normal thing to do. I decided I wanted to make this big decision, I planned for and committed to the investment, and I started executing upon that decision. No different than anything else I’d done in my life. Until….
The onslaught of assumptions and questions
Once more people began to find out that I was building a house, one of the most frequently asked questions was somewhere along the lines of if I was in a long-term relationship or if I’d gotten married. This question came up again and again and was almost a guaranteed question to come from people that weren’t part of my daily life. This is when I learned that maybe what I was doing was less normal than I thought it was.
For many months, this question annoyed me to no end whenever it would come up. Sometimes it was asked directly to me, but oftentimes, I would hear it secondarily.
Whenever this line of questioning would be present, I would instantly get defensive. Of course I wouldn’t say any of this to the person asking the question, but my thoughts were usually something along the lines of “I’m a strong, independent woman. Why is there an assumption that I need a man?” and “Why is everyone always on me all the time about dating? I’m trying to date in a way that works for me, and in the meantime, I’m really happy anyways.”
Until self-assurance illuminated the true reaction
Recently, however, I’ve been focusing on being comfortable in my own skin in all circumstances, not just those where I can get some recognition and validation, and that has made all the difference. As a result of my grounding in my own happiness, I’ve been able to strip away the defensiveness and notice people’s true reaction: awe and cheers.
Stripping away the layer of insecurity around my dating life and being present in the moment has allowed me to see the positivity of the initial shock and has allowed me to soak in the “that’s so cool” moment. I now sense and thrive on the inspiration and encouragement that results from these conversations.
Which became a metaphor for paving the path less traveled
While I knew that my recent career path has been less than conventional, I hadn’t really thought of the way I approached anything else in my life as that unconventional. I’ve been empowered by my parents and those around me that I’m capable of anything and to do what makes me happy.
It’s recently been pointed out to me, though, that most of what I’m doing in my life right now is unconventional. I’m
· building a house from scratch as a single woman… groundbreaking (Pun-intended)
· dating while not on the dating apps (tried it for a couple months, totally overwhelmed)
· pursuing a non-corporate career after having left my corporate job
That doesn’t mean that those unconventional aspects of my life are set in stone. Life is fluid. But for now, those decisions and paths are what I feel is right for me to build a life that supports my priorities and happiness.
People’s positive reactions of shock, awe, and inspiration to my house building journey has made me realize that those reactions are likely relevant to the other unconventional paths too. As such, I’ve embraced it. It is brave and courageous to pave the path less traveled. If it were easy, it would already be the paved path. In the process of paving my own less traveled path, here are the lessons that I’ve learned for those looking to pave their own paths.
1. You can achieve happiness without waiting to “get” something
Many people have the mentality that once they get something, like the promotion or the significant other, that they will then be happy. But the truth is that you can be happy right now. You never know when you may “get” that thing that will make you happy, and once you have it, you’re likely going to start looking to the next shiny object. You have the power right now to take action towards your happiness and to enjoy the beauty of the present journey.
2. Being comfortable in your skin illuminates beautiful interactions
I find that many times when I get defensive about something, I’m projecting my own insecurities. Through focusing on my own self-assurance, I’ve been able to open my eyes more objectively to people’s true thoughts and reactions. Many times, they are deep and beautiful. You may be endeavoring down a path that feels uneasy and scary because it’s less paved but that is brave and courageous. Oftentimes, people’s questions and reactions are not a reflection of them judging you but genuine curiosity that can lead to inspiring interactions.
3. Paving the path less traveled is hard, but you have more support than you realize and are inspiring others along the way
When you’re able to strip away the defensiveness and see the beauty in people’s curiosity towards your endeavors, you’ll start to realize that you have an army supporting you and cheering you on in your journey. More than that, you’re likely inspiring others along the way to take that unconventional step, big or small, that they’ve been contemplating. Never doubt the power within yourself and of those supporting you.
If you’ve been on the fence about taking some inspired action in your life and you feel that my messages resonate with, I invite you to message me on Instagram @jamiedykstracreates or through the contact page on my website jamiedykstra.com/ to see how I can best support you. You may also want to subscribe to my email list for more content.
If you’re looking for perspective outside of my own, I recommend Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live by Martha Beck.
Disclosure: I only recommend products/services I would use myself and feel might benefit you as well. This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Disclaimer: This blog should not be construed as providing, or intending to provide, professional financial, legal, psychological, or other professional advice. It is simply meant to share my experiences for those that may find them relatable and helpful.