How does one go from not saying a word during meetings to leading them a few months later? How does one go from predominantly working alone in school and the first few months of a job to being a primary point of contact and organization between several individuals and teams? The answer is simple, yet powerful: leverage those around you.
Now given the solitary starting point that I just laid out, it might seem counterintuitive that the simple answer is leveraging those around you. And I will concede that for many, proactively reaching out for help and coaching at first might be difficult. After all, the whole reason that I wasn’t talking in meetings and didn’t mind working in solitude was that I wasn’t confident in my abilities or the value I could add, so reaching out to those that seem to have it all going on can be intimidating. There are a couple of ways to overcome this to get yourself going.
The first solution is to surround yourself with individuals who have experience and will give you that push but will also save you if you start to get over your head. Gladys, my manager and mentor in my new project manager role was that person for me. I distinctly remember my first moment of feeling empowered to which I credit long-term confidence benefits (again simple moments with big impact).
For one of the tasks that I had to do in the hybrid sort of model development meets project manager meets governance role that I was playing, I had to perform a first review of a document that one of the consultants had drafted. I had informed Gladys that I didn’t think it met expectations. Both of us jumped on a call with the consultant who had drafted the document, and the first question out of his mouth was naturally to ask what we thought of the finished product. I looked at Gladys expecting her to tactfully yet directly answer the question, given her title and experience versus mine, and she motioned to me to answer the question. I gave a look of reluctance, and she continued to urge me on, obliging me to relay the message that I really didn’t want to convey. I meekly began to answer, and as I spoke, I began to gain confidence that I could respectfully and constructively deliver my message. It was like a whole new world had been unlocked to me. By being given opportunities to practice these skills in a safe environment, I was able to grow both in my ability and my confidence.
Now, I get it… you can’t always control who’s around you or who your superiors are. So, while I would urge you to keep an open mind about those around you, I know this solution isn’t totally accessible to everyone. Therefore, I offer up solution #2: find peers around you that are exceptionally good at their jobs and take lessons and queues from them. When I was in this role, I sat near two other women a few years older than me who were full-time project managers. Given I didn’t have formal school training or prior experience, I took the opportunity whenever I was at my desk and not in meetings to soak in how they conducted their calls, how they handled certain situations, and listened to them converse about challenges they had, documentation to compile, and many other topics. Rather than sitting with earphones in or trying to tune them out to focus inward, I utilized our proximity to each other to learn and start to implement some of their practices. As I got to know them better, I felt more at ease to ask them questions and opinions and eventually became close friends with them.
Self-confidence can be gained by leveraging resources outside of oneself. The empowerment that I gained from either passively or actively engaging others allowed me to begin to flourish in my role. I felt validated, equipped with an extensive toolset, and supported in my actions. Did this mean that the seas were smooth sailing from here on out? Nope. But are these tactics ones that I have used throughout my career in the waves of change or disruption? Yep. Despite coming up with ways to make it up the learning curve, I still had A LOT to learn which was something I was quickly reminded of as I gained more responsibility in the coming months and will discuss in upcoming articles.
While I still employ these tactics to help with my self-confidence during new ventures, I will admit that it’s a battle that I constantly fight to overcome. Recently, I enrolled in a coaching program called a Mastermind. The coach, Rasa DiSalvo, has supplied our small group of amazing women with a plethora of tactics to bolster our self-belief and our self-confidence. This program has been a game changer for me, even after only about 6 weeks! I can’t say enough positive things about it, and since it aligns perfectly with this week’s theme of self-confidence, I wanted to share it all with you as a collaborator of Rasa’s. If you’re interested in coaching, you can schedule a free 1:1 strategy call with Rasa to see if this would be a good fit for you or attend her free workshop!
Have you found other methods, whether passive or active, to kickstart your self-confidence and journey towards empowerment?
Disclaimer: This blog should not be construed as providing, or intending to provide, professional financial, legal, psychological, or other professional advice. It is simply meant to share my experiences for those that may find them relatable and helpful.